Life Lessons I Have Learned



1. Police don't care if you didn't do it, and your friend did, they will arrest you anyway.

2. People don't like being called 'My Whore'.

3. Trying to convert your friends to 'animeolgy' usually ends in disaster.

4. I am not a vampire. I cannot fly.

5. Nor can I walk up trees.

6. When going thorugh a gate, always make sure it is open!

7. Your parents probably will find out that you dyed your hair purple.

8. Don't get your belly button pierced at a place where the employees are the same age as you.

9. Nor should you get a tattoo from there.

10. Headphones for your cell are creepy.

11. Especially if you are talking to your girlfriend/boyfriend.

12. Getting vampire teeth still does not make me one.

13. I am not indestructable.

14. I still cannot fly.

15. Getting drunk usually has consequences.

16. Do not get your eyebrow peirced. It just looks idiotic. (No offense to those who do! It's just my opinion.)

17. Celebrities are not always right.

18. Neither is your mother.

19. Although 99% of the time she is.

20. Never, ever get anyones name tattooed on you, anywhere.

21. Nor should you tattoo your name on yourself.

22. Demanding your boyfriend to tell you where he is at all times is a reason to break up.

23. So is asking the same of your girlfriend.

24. It isn't cute to kiss each other in the middle of a crowded hallway.

25. Nor is it cute when you smash yourselves against my locker.

26. Police still don't care.

27. Do not drink grape juice unless you have a cap for it!

28. The same goes for Coke. Especially if you are clumsy.

29. Anime is a friend.

30. However, dressing up as an anime character is just plain creepy if it isn't Halloween.

31. People don't like people dressed in bunny suits scaring them.

32. Guns don't kill people, dumbass people kill people.

33. Horror movies are not real. No one is out to get me.

34. Trying to convert your therapist to a different religion results in getting a new thearapist. At that nice place with the white jackets.

35. Crazy people are scary. Anime crazy people are smexy.

36. Sticking your hands in salt water while you have a cut is not the greatest of plans.

37. If you are 40 and you still live with your mom, you need to be shot.

38. Relatives do not make good target practice.

39. Neither does your little brother.

40. Always be kind to your kids.... you never know when you are going to need spare organs and a kidney.

41. Parents are tough. Life is tougher.

42. Hot baths really are the most relaxing thing.

43. You don't like your parents cooking now, but in a few years after you have moved out, it sounds delicious.

44. People who do horrible things, usually die young.

45. People who annoy you, usually die young.

46. Trying to make someone love you never works out.

47. If your boyfriend or girlfriend hits you once and you didn't do anything to cause it, break up with them!

48. Famous people really are as ignorant as they seem.

49. Do not sit on a teeter totter with a fat person. It becomes a cataplut then.

50. People still don't like being called 'Whores'.

51. Police still don't care.

52. A good friend will come bail you out of jail but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying: Damn, we really messed up!

53.Your parents don't care what your friends are doing.

54. Your mom can hit as hard as your dad.

55. Don't get into a fistfight with her.

56. Never, ever hit another human being unless they hit you first.

57. Police still don't care who started it.

58. Neither does your mother.

59. Your friends will not save you if you are attacked by a bear.

60. Always have a friend that is slower then you.